Have I told you about how I quit smoking? It's a terrible addiction; they say it's the most difficult to kick. I don't know about that and I'm not going to dapple dabble in hard drugs to find out. How can we, as humanoids, with as big a brain as we have, comparatively to other primates, get hooked on something as silly, trifling and deadly as cigarettes? I mean the news flash has been given a few decades ago by that guy: the STURGEON GENERAL...so who is that guy? Is he a fish or in the army or what? Anyway, he said smoking is very bad and that we should give a hoot and not pollute our lungs or the lungs of those near by.

There is only one way to quit smoking and that is to go cold turkey. I asked my friend to go to the super market and buy a nice frozen turkey. When they got back I said: "you go to the second story window and I'll stand in the front yard and then you just toss that frozen bird to me." They threw the cold turkey out the window and no big surprise to anyone reading this right now, yes you!, that bird did not open its wings and take flight, no. That frozen Butterball came down like a piano and landed on my head. I woke up from the concussion eight hours later and I have not smoked a cigarette since.